We’re in a weird place in the world. It is a very exciting time to be alive… and a scary time to be alive. These time are impacting the way we view society and families… especially decisions about if/when/how many children. Yesterday I had a moment that caused me to think about how we view children so differently than a couple of generations (or more) ago.
Many people in our society view children as a liability. I can see why. I thought this way for years and almost didn’t have any children b/c I didn’t like the risk/reward statistics. One reason we view children as liabilities is b/c parents are caring and supporting for offspring until the kids are in their early 20s…. if they are lucky. And many support their children until they die and leave their estate for their children to “manage”. We are also relying on the gov’t to take care of mom/pop through social insecurity and medi-can’t-care, so adults no longer count on children to provide their support in old age.
We also live in a time where many children do not help around the house and will not give back as adults. It begins with the parents because many of the household duties are outsourced today. When we both worked, we had a maid, yard guy, dry cleaner and got meals that didn’t require much prep or cleanup. And we left early in the morning and didn’t return until the evening. The last thing either of us wanted was to direct children in “chores” after we’d worked all day. Time constraints made that very impractical. Most parents in this mode love their children tremendously (as I did), but you live the life you’re in at the moment. It is hard.
Even households where one parent is home can also be too busy to get children involved in household responsibilities. If you’re running to this and that multiple times a week, household stuff tends to take a back seat. And these kids don’t contribute b/c they are not at home much either.
Yesterday the house was a mess and I was trying to clean the downstairs … got overwhelmed. We’d been running around all week and were much busier than usual. The girls were watching TV and I was working. Bad idea. I called them down and we all got to work. They really helped me get the house in shape. And as I thought about it, the more I invest in training them to take ownership in our home… the more of an asset they become. I’ve known this fact for a long time, but get sidetracked implementing.
Instead, we (I’m guilty too) run around serving our children instead of teaching them responsibility. We don’t make them eat what adults eat, we act as taxis way too much and provide too much electronic entertainment so we get a break from serving them more. We’re (as a society…not you reading:) ) are spoiling our next generation. And many of those who are not spoiled are neglected. Neglect also leads to children who do not become productive in society.
Years ago children grew up earlier. I don’t think I’ve ran across the term “teenager” in the Bible. Mary was probably about 15 when she had Jesus. If our children contributed to the household at a younger age and matured earlier…. then maybe we’d start looking at children differently. What if our kids really became adults at 18! (Many of our young men in the military do.) I think I’d have looked forward to motherhood at a much earlier age if I saw the job as releasing them earlier. BTW, my view at 42 is much different now than the view of children I held in my 20s.
Parenting is wearing people out b/c it takes so many years for them to become adults…. if they ever do. I know we’re always parents, but to have an immature son/daughter in their mid 20s has to be pure misery. I want to be the future parent of an adult. As a society we’ve gotten ourselves into this mess.
One silver lining to this entire economic / political mess that we’re in is that values may be realigned. If we take families back home and to the basics, then maybe we’ll focus more on training our kids to be assets instead of liabilities. We may no longer qualify for the car loan to get “Jimmy” a new car at 16. Or maybe we don’t do limos for prom anymore which is absurd in my mind. Maybe girls don’t get solar nails before they can pay for them on their own.
Instead, mayby girls learn to cook. Maybe Jimmy mows the grass instead of a lawn service. They wash and put away their clothes. And they go next door to help out the older couple… at NO CHARGE.
Yes, there may be a silver lining to economic hardship in this country. I don’t wish for economic / political hardship but am trying to watch for where God could be changing our values back to His. Children are a blessing from God when we do it His way.
Posted by Kris 