“I’ll pray for you” platitude

This post is for the Christian community.  It is another one I’ll probably get negative emails / comments on, but this topic has been hitting me from various places in the last month.  So I’m writing about what’s on my mind.  I have athiests friends who read my blog (btw thanks for reading) … this post is not for you.  You’re welcome to read for entertainment, but this is really engaging my Christian friends.

Our country is facing serious challenges and people are hurting.  Our family has not had life altering changes (yes our 401K is significantly down, but that is small compared to others), but you never know what the future brings.  I have friends who are seriously hurting because of the economic downturns.  And we’re not even in a part of the country that has received the brunt of this storm.  But if you’re close to one family or experiencing this yourself, it does not matter if the whole city is falling apart because your friend’s pain/ your pain is enough to get your attention.  And I’m not talking about people who are suffering self inflicted pain from very poor decisions.  There are people who’ve tried to live it right and are suffering.

I was listening to a pastor from Detroit being interviewed.  His congregation has been hit tremendously with job layoffs.  This may not be what he said, but it is what I walked away with:  In times like these, telling a person who is losing so much “I’ll pray for you” is just a platitude.  This pastor pointed out his people needed to be ready for another family to move into their basement after losing their home.  And many of the families from his congregation are stepping up to the plate and opening their homes to other families.  This is much more meaningful than “I’ll pray for you.”  It is self sacrifice to help others.

It is easy to say “I’ll pray for you” and maybe shoot up a 5 sec prayer so you’ve done it.  But it is another thing to get inconvenienced.   I’ve become desensitized when someone says “I’ll pray for you” in passing.  It is like hearing someone walk by and say “how are you?”  Many times they really don’t want to know.  I have a couple of friends / family that say “I’ll pray for you” and I value it so much because I know it is a serious commitment on their part.   But when someone in church asks how you’re doing and you share a burden, then they respond “I’ll pray for you” – many times I take this response as: get out of the conversation quick card.

I’m guilty of this, so I’m directing this to myself as well as others who are guilty.  I have have many Christian friends who are much further along providing tangible responses in addition to prayer… they are truly living a life of example.   What I’ve done is try to start responding in more of a practical way.  For example, yesterday I met a lovely woman at church who was hurting, so I invited her to our house for lunch after church.  I enjoyed my time with her and hope it brightened her day.  I will pray for her, but tried to offer friendship rather than “the phrase”.

Even though I’m not a fan of using this phrase casually, I will continue to use it in certain circumstances.  For example, last week I told others “I’ll pray for you.”  It was a response to a specific prayer request.  If someone asks others to pray for a concern, then this response is appropriate.    I will also say this to my close circle of friends / family.   And I always want to be open to the Holy Spirit guiding my words, because this may be just what someone needs to hear.  But when I do, I need to take this seriously rather than using it to move on to the next conversation.